Several years ago, I found myself at a beautifully serene campus located about an hour or so outside of Chicago. It was calm and quiet, the kind of place you go to find God or reevaluate life—maybe both. I had been there once before, but this time it felt different.
The first time, I didn’t know what to expect. It was the inaugural retreat of four in the first year of my spiritual formation training. Our instructor challenged us to journal during our time there. I like to journal in theory, but I don’t always get around to it. Maybe it’s because I so badly want to eloquently pen poetry by E.E. Cummings or grandiose prose like Thoreau, I get locked up looking at a blank page, wondering where to start.
It seems everyone has their own style of journaling; mine typically ends up reading like a curious self-observer having a conversation with God. I blame Judy Blume.
Since I had the time, I scribbled down all the things that were percolating in my head and heart to the Lord—observations, acknowledgements, statements of gratitude. But what poured out of me the most were questions. Lots of them. And, it was in that journal where they stayed until the second retreat.
My assignment was to spend the next four hours in silence and solitude, so I threw my bible and journal in my backpack and found a secluded area on the grounds. Opening up my journal, I began to look over all the questions that weighed so heavily on me the first time around. But I noticed something. This time, it was as if every question made sense in light of what I was learning.
Every “Why?” became “Oh… that’s why.“
Every “I don’t understand,” became “Oh… I see what was happening there.“
It was as if God started to illuminate the deeper, hidden thing beneath the thing. I learned there were events or patterns in my history that were still affecting my present. Ways I was formed and learned to respond and cope back then that were no longer serving me well. It felt freeing and life-giving as God met me there on the pages of my journal.
So many people live life wondering why they can’t seem to get their breakthrough, what’s holding them back, and why they struggle to trust God.
Maybe that’s you.
If so, over the last year, I’ve been working on a free quiz that can help to identify the “protective persona” that is keeping you stuck. Pulling from spiritual formation, scripture, and my experience working with people throughout my ministry as a pastor, I created this tool to give you the same “aha” experience I had that day reading my journal.
It’s a short (3-4 min) quiz that helps you identify the protective persona you tend to rely on—and understand how it may be shaping your life today.
Try it out and tell me what you think 👉 https://jzwilliamson.com/protective-persona-quiz/