I acknowledge it. It’s officially been a long time since my last post.
It’s been a rough season the past few months in my life and in those times I tend to get a bit quiet and lately I feel like I am riding an emotional roller coaster.
Recently, I found out my day position will soon be cut due to the economy. Some days I feel like God is answering my prayers for something with better pay, while other days I feel expendable.
Expectations of where I should be with the church plant sometimes blow my mind and at other times, honestly, lay me flat with discouragement.
You see… some days are just better than others.
One day I find myself crying out to God as the pain in my gut seems too unbearable. Another day, I rejoice in worship for I know He is refining me in the midst of the fire—teaching me what it means to follow the cross.
Some days I find myself wondering why blessings come to others so easy and why everything seems like a fight for me to obtain. Other days I am overwhelmed by God’s favor poured over me like fragrant anointing oil.
Some days I wonder why I have to face this trial again; feel this pain again; know this weakness again? Yet other days, I taste the sweetness of victory, the peace of healing, and the power of strength.
There are times when friends comfort me in my affliction. Yet other times, they cut me deep.
Some days I am so proud of those that call me pastor. Other days I wonder why they even call me such.
Could it be that day-to-day Christ is all sufficient in my life? That I could actually lift my hands up on this roller coaster? That the words of Paul the Apostle could pound passionately beneath my skin,
“I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.”
Some days might be darker than others, but that doesn’t change who God is. Through it all I have chosen to follow Jesus. My bridges are burned. There’s no turning back. It’s not about good days and bad day—it’s about his unfailing love that wraps me through it all.
So…
May the light of God burst into every dark day with the light of His presence and may we know the depths of His love when we beat against His chest and then fall asleep in his arms.
Psalm 139:7-12 (NIV)
“Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths,
you are there.If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.”